Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
