you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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