Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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