Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
