Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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