He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
