that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
did i just pee glitter
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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