Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
