just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
