After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
