I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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