just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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