you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
