i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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