dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I sprained my soul last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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