Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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