they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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