It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
