She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
