I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
