oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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