We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
