Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
