I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
