This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
