I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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