Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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