Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
