the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
