i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Randomize
