I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
