Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
