i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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