go do what you do best...puke behind churches
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
