So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
