why didn't you poke me back
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
