i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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