Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
