You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dear god my vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
