Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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