I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
