chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
