I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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