It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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