we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
