What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
In America we eat man semen.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
