I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
