You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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