I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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