Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
