god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
