I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he fucked my hip out of place.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
