dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
